plushaeusrumpified | Seven Smuppets; ANONYMOUS TEXT

OWNER OF RUMP: Masato Hijirikawa

GENDER OF RUMP: Male

RATING OF RUMP: ▪▪▪▪▫

REVIEW OF RUMP

Whoa there, errbody stop what you're doing and get a load of that ass. You can stare at it a minute, it's okay. I can wait.

You finally finished staring? I don't blame you if you need a few more minutes, but the review has to carry on at some point, so I'm just gonna go ahead and talk about what a fine piece of meat that is Masato Hijirikawa's badonkadonk. Masato, either you have some damn fine genes, or you've found a plastic surgeon capable of doing some really goddamn fine ass lifts, because it's been a long while since I've seen such a plump, tight ass. Keep it up and you ain't gonna have to worry about saggy cheeks for a damn long time. You might wanna consider botox to keep your face as tight as your ass, though. A wrinkly face with a smooth ass is a weird combination.

I don't know if you're a top or a bottom, but an ass like that is definitely bottom material. It's the perfect kind of ass that you just wanna latch onto and then pound into. Like damn, I bet it jiggles in the hottest way. Not the fat, nasty way that reminds you of jello, but the sexy, bootylicious kind of way. This is all pure speculation, though, but I'm pretty damn good at booty speculations. Basically what I'm saying is this would make a great porn butt. I'm not saying you should go into porn or anything, but I AM saying that you have the butt of a pornstar and you should own it. Make of that what you will, but I think 'Masato gets stuffed!' would make a great porn title. Just throwing that out there.

I think the only thing this butt needs is some nice, tighter pants to really show it off. I mean, when you've got a butt like that, you want everybody to know about it. Trust me, I know. So as my gift to you, I'm sending you a package with some tight booty shorts, just in time for Summer. Really, the pants are the only reason I'm docking a point off, and let me assure you it pains me to do so. My chest physically hurts right now, because baby, you deserve a 5. Maybe you'll get a 5 in a follow up, if I get a pic of you in those shorts. Until then? My final rating is 4 outta 5.

That's all for this month's RTR. If you enjoyed it, be sure to check back next month, 'cuz I'll be rating another rump for all my booty bros out there. Stay bootylicious, y'all.

ADDITIONAL RUMP NOTES
❏ WHAT A BOOTY ❏ SHOULD CONSIDER A CAREER IN LAP DANCING ❏ I BET IT'S HAIRLESS ❏ BOUNCE A COIN OFF THAT AND IT'LL BOUNCE BACK AND TAKE OUT YOUR EYE ❏ I WANNA USE IT AS A PILLOW ❏ SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE IT ❏ DIP IT LOW ❏ PICK IT UP SLOW ❏ POP TA POP TA POP THAT THANG ❏ YOU KNOW HOW TO MAKE A MAN SAY OH

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's the little problem that that's a man's ass, you lunatic.

I dunno, I think he looks pretty androgynous when you look at his face. But that's beside the point. The real point of the matter right now is that I'm sensing some homophobia from your end. Do you have a problem with dudes checking out other dudes rumps?

I don't give a damn what people do, it hasn't been illegal since the 80s. The problem is going around shoving it in people's faces. Nobody wants to see some guy's ass taking up their whole damn screen.

I think it's still illegal in Russia. But that's kinda beside the point, isn't it? I think we should talk about your issues with this. Do you not like seeing boy booty? I have to wonder if it's from a repressed sense of homosexuality. Which is to say, maybe you like the butt and you're just in denial. Did you ever consider that? You're the only one complaining about it like this, after all.

I don't care about Russian homos.

Listen to me. You don't want to be suggesting what you're suggesting. I've put up with you so far, I've let you play around, but you keep trying to fuck with me and you are going to get hurt.

Oh, I'm terrified. Truly. Except you don't even know who I am, so there's really nothing you can actually do about it. I can play with you all I want and you can't do a damn thing about it.

So yes, let's continue talking about the rampant homophobia you're using as a cover for your actual homosexuality.

I have a couple good guesses.

[Blake tries to calm himself down and be reasonable with this crazy fucking jackass.]

Somebody who doesn't want to look at a guy's ass must be gay? The hell kind of logic is that?

Seven Smuppets; ANONYMOUS TEXT

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